reckoner.

every piece contains a map of it all

You know, I have always enjoyed fashion. Lately I have REALLY been wanting to buy a sewing machine and modify clothes. Particularly clothes found while thrifting. I can get creative when it comes to clothes. My style is always changing. Some days I wear yoga pants, a t-shirt, and call it a day. Since it is now summer, i LOVE wearing dresses. I rarely wear jeans/capris/shorts, but when i do, i  like to wear baby doll tops; they don’t feel so constricting. Anyways. My point here is just the simple thought that it would be awesome if I got amazing at sewing and creating clothes, and then selling them. That would be a bomb ass job. Right now I am going to school for AOT, which is cool, but in order to get a degree, I have to pass math, and it is royally kicking my butt right now. I am getting worried. It makes me want to give up, to be honest. But, I shall prevail. So, case and point, my dream job would be to have my own small local business with loyal customers, where I modify/alter clothes, make my own schedule, be creative, and have fun :)

you can’t live like this.

Sittin’ here, listening to Gotyle, this amazing new band I’ve discovered. They’re something different and I love that. Very chill music for the most part. Snacking on some raw oats. Tonight I had another “eye opener” to how I’m living my life, as far as the food I’m eating, the emotions I’m feeling, stress that occurs, and so on. I want to be more relaxed. I want to eat healthy. I want to get enough sleep. I want to exercise everyday. The good news is, as soon as my boyfriend and I move into our own place, we can start doing this. Mainly the food part. I can do the other stuff now, and I am working on it. There are many things I want to do, to live a better, happy, healthy, lifestyle..but I need to actually do it. I am motivated. At least I have that going for me. I think my main problem is that I let my laziness get to me. I go to school, I work, and after all of that, I want to sit on my ass. Understandable, right? Right. But when I look back on life one day, I don’t want it to be a blur of those  things. Or, I mean, a blur of nothing spectacular. I want to get things done. I want to have fun. Use my time wisely. Ya only get one life. Facebook seriously tries to take over my life. I’d like for ONE day to not get on it. To see what else I do while I am not reading over that. I seriously need to make a list of the things I want to accomplish. In writing. Frame it. In fact, I think I will! That will give me something to do. Something other than spending my time on facebook. Haha. A major thing I want to change about myself, is my stress level. I stress a good bit. I know this. Mainly it’s little stressors. It’s the little things that I let bug me. How can I work on letting the small things roll off my shoulders? I wouldnt know where to begin, honestly. I can sit here and say all I want that the next time a little thing irritates me, that I just need to let it go. Yes, I can say that. But doing it is a different story. The way I can solve my problem is to get to the root of it. Why do I let little things bother me? Also, why am I so damn nosey? That is one thing I am 100%. It’s a good thing at times. I need to take that down a notch though. There are still a lot of things I don’t quite understand why I do. Maybe I’ll never know. But I can WORK on fixing them, for the bigger picture and all. I’d like to be more carefree. Smile more. Laugh more. Go outside more. And to not be such a procrastinator.

Well, I just realized this whole entry is about what I want to do and things I don’t want to do anymore. Looks like I’ve got some work to do! Practice makes perfect.

RANT

seriously. i need to rant so bad. i have been complaining for weeks now to the people i’m closest with about this topic, but i’m pretty sure they are tired of me whining. SO. tumblr, you lucky dog you, you get to listen to my bitching.

first off, let’s get this straight, i’m in college. my classes are at odd times throughout the week. therefore i cannot work a 9-5 job. i have to be a server. meh. i have been one for like 6 years now and i am just now starting to LOATHE it. i LOATHE going into work. seriously. i have to put on an act of being happy and glad to serve people, when in  actuality, i hate it! where are the acting agents when ya need them?  i’d have them impressed with my southern charm and fake smile. and just so you know, i only hate my job when i get the customers who want to be rude to me for no reason at all, or the customers who decide not to tip even though i just ran my ASS OFF FOR YOU. so. with all of this said, i have been searching very hard for a new job. anything that does not have to do with serving. this is actually difficult! let’s start with the first reason being this is so difficult: no one wants to hire me at an office job seeing how i have only had serving jobs. no experience = no bueno. number 2: i have been emailing people i know who are managers at different places seeing if they need help, no response. NICE. love it. and the third reason: it’s hard as hell to work around a school schedule. so, case and point, no luck so far in the whole finding-a-new-job thing.

anyways. i have been reading rants on tumblr about other servers who hate their job, and it makes me feel better. i know i’m not alone on this, but it’s always so nice reading other server’s complaints on why they hate their job. but ya know what, they still work their asses off to make that money. so. i actually learned something from reading various tumblr posts…i need to put my effing big girl panties on. i need to suck it up and realize that i might be stuck in serving until i graduate. i have bills to pay and they arent stopping for anyone. i keep cutting back my hours at work because of my school schedule and because i hate my job. i COULD work more hours and make a little more money, but i am really having to focus on school this time. i made straight A’s last semester and i hope to continue to do that until i graduate. serving is not going to be my whole life..so..i can do this until i graduate…or until someone offers me a better job. so, i’m going to grow a pair and not whine because i can’t find a job. i need to be thankful i even have a job. seriously! i make money to pay my bills and have extra spending money..so i need to remember to be thankful instead of bitching. that is all :)

Serving.

You know, it irritates me when people talk down about servers. So, if anyone reads this, who has a weird dislike to servers, then maybe I can help ease that. I am a server.  I can’t say that I love it, but I will get to that point later. Throughout the years I have been in and out of college, and restaurants have always worked so well with my school schedule. No, I do not plan on doing this job forever, hence why I am back in college, for good, until I graduate. I do not love to serve. Just like everyone else in this world, I have good days, and I have bad days. Some days I can go in and be the best server you’ve ever had. But then again, some days I won’t be as great. If you’re having bad service, have you ever thought that maybe your server is having a bad day? Or maybe they don’t feel well? Or that maybe they have 4 other tables besides yours? Usually when I get over loaded with tables, customers can see this and they have patience. There are always the customers, however, that don’t see this, and think they are the ONLY table I have. I’m sorry that at the moment I have to refill this tables drinks, take an order at another, run food out to the other table, and cash you out, all at the same time. If I could, I would have go-go gadget arms to help take care of everyone’s needs at one time.  Another thing. I make like 2 dollars an hour. Tips are what pay my bills. So when I run my ass off for you, or your kids make a mess, or you’re rude to me for no reason, it really sucks when you don’t tip me, or you leave like a dollar or two. I ALWAYS tip at least 20% when I go out to eat. The point is, not all servers suck. Some actually do care about you and hope you have a great dining experience.

so. um. life has been good. not great, but good. great is surely to come. i have to make it great though. sitting around, “existing”, isn’t going to make my great life get here. life is crazy by the way. so, what is this “great” life i would like for myself? it includes: family, friends, him, love, peace, living, happiness, success, and getting over fears. it’s about making the MOST out of this life i have been given. not to take anything for granted. and to love with all of my heart.

“Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You’ve got to find out for yourself whether or not you’re truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you.” -Jason Mraz